Find Answers to Your Questions ~ Survivor Spaces Community

Question 1

What does it mean to be loved?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for your question. It's a fundamental question.

I think being loved means feeling truly safe when you're with someone and feeling like "the other person is really paying attention to me."
It's a relationship where your feelings, boundaries, and needs are respected without being denied.

True love and compassion is not about getting special favors.
It's in the little things that accumulate every day, such as the other person being there for you and accepting you as you are.

Love may mean someone listening carefully when you share your fears.
It may be that they offer kind words of encouragement when you are going through a difficult time.
And I think it's about creating a place where you can be yourself.

A loving connection isn't a relationship where only one person has to work hard.
It's a relationship where we trust each other and feel comfortable opening up to each other.
Even if I have days when I lose confidence in myself, that person's warmth reminds me that I am someone who is cherished.

Feeling loved helps us realize that it's okay to value our feelings and that our voices have power.
And above all, it makes you feel like you don't have to live alone.

Someone is there for you, respects your experience, and genuinely cares about you.
I think that's what it means to be loved.

Question 2

What is an equal relationship?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for your essential question. Let me share my thoughts on an "equal relationship."

I think an "equal relationship" is one in which both parties feel safe and respected . It's a relationship in which you can express your feelings and thoughts, as well as important boundaries, such as "this is okay, but I don't want to go any further," without worrying about being rejected, ignored, or scolded.

No one person makes decisions or takes the lead, and both people's opinions are equally valued.
Even if we disagree on something, we will listen to what the other person has to say, respect each other's feelings, and work together to find a solution that is good for both of us.

The two people don't have to have the same personalities, strengths, or weaknesses.
I think the important thing is to be considerate of others, face them honestly, and be open with each other .

Being able to feel safe and think, "It's okay to express my feelings."
And make sure that what you say is properly received.

By doing these things repeatedly, trust will grow over time, and a relationship that is comfortable, safe, and supportive for both parties will be created.

Question 3

What should I do about my anger towards the perpetrator?

Accepted Answer

First, let me tell you that feeling anger towards someone who has hurt you is a very natural and valid reaction.
There is no need to blame yourself or feel ashamed of your feelings, thinking, "I shouldn't be feeling this way" or "I should forgive the other person." The fact that you feel anger speaks to the fact that you have been hurt.

Sometimes, anger can come over you in waves so strong that it's hard to process. Anger is a natural response to injustice and unfairness, especially when your important boundaries and dignity are violated.
If you are aware of your anger, it means that you are trying to feel and value your own emotions. Your emotions are born to protect you. Please don't forget that.

You don't have to force yourself to forgive, or try to dismiss or minimize your anger, but it's also important to find ways to gradually let it out in a way that doesn't cause you more pain or burden you with shame or guilt.

Some people find it supportive to have someone they can trust listen to them without being judged or rejected. This can be a friend, family member, counselor, trauma care professional, or anyone else. Putting your feelings into words and entrusting them to someone who will simply listen can be an important step in giving your anger and pain a place to live.

For others, writing in a journal, expressing themselves through art or music, or gently moving their body by taking a walk can help them safely release the emotions that have built up inside them. What works for each person is different, so it's okay to choose a method that feels even slightly comfortable to you.

Anger is not an emotion that needs to be "turned off" in order for trauma to heal. It is an important part of your recovery process that should be acknowledged and respected. With time and support, anger often changes form, and even if it doesn't go away completely, it may become more manageable and less overwhelming.

Furthermore, in the process of recovering from such betrayal or deep hurt, it is not uncommon for other emotions, such as sadness or fear, to quietly exist beneath the anger. These are all natural reactions, evidence that the mind and body are responding to the deep wounds.
If you feel that it is too difficult to deal with on your own, one important option is to seek professional support, such as a counselor who understands trauma.

You deserve support to work through these strong emotions without hurting anyone else, and most importantly, without hurting yourself.

Any page is fine.
I hope that you can gently give yourself permission to feel that way, treat yourself kindly, and move forward little by little, at your own pace.

Question 4

When I was pretty drunk at a university drinking party, I met a male senior in front of the restroom and he pulled me in with him. Even if I remember, it's hard to get along with him, so I've forgotten, but I think he touched me in various ways. I think he was just messing around, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if [name] hadn't come and teased me. I avoid passing by that store in [place name]. Is what happened to me sexual violence, and is it traumatic for me? What should I do?

Accepted Answer

Thank you so much for reaching out to us in this time of confusion.

The experience you described - being dragged into a bathroom by an older man while you were drunk and having him touch you without your consent - is a very serious incident.
Even if the other person was just joking around or had been drinking, it is never acceptable for them to touch you without your permission .
These acts could be considered sexual violence .

However, rather than jumping to conclusions with questions like, "Is this sexual violence?" or "Is it traumatic?", we recommend that you first talk to someone you feel comfortable talking to about how you felt .
Especially when the other person is someone close to you, you tend to prioritize your relationship with that person and put your own feelings on the back burner.
Talking to people who value and accept your feelings will be an important support for you in the future.

I feel that there may still be anxiety, confusion, and hurt feelings inside you because you keep remembering the incident and avoiding the place.

This confusion and ambiguity is a natural reaction to protect yourself, and avoiding the situation or remembering it is also a sign that your mind is trying to protect you.

Please remember: everyone has the right to feel safe and respected.
Acknowledge how you are feeling and know that you are not alone.

Speaking it out loud will help you take back some of your power .
I sincerely hope that you will not carry the burden alone, but will walk the path to healing with someone.
Thank you so much for providing us with such important advice.

Question 5

When I was around 7, another child who was about a year older introduced me to sexual activity and asked if I wanted to participate. I was shy and a people pleaser, so I said yes without understanding what it meant. We engaged in sexual behaviors together. I only recently realized this experience might have been harmful. Does this count as COCSA?

Accepted Answer

I'm so glad you reached out, and I want you to know that it's completely understandable to feel uncertain about labeling this experience, especially given how young you both were at the time. When children as young as seven or eight engage in sexual behavior, it can be confusing to make sense of later in life, particularly when thinking about concepts like consent and understanding at that age. Children in that age range generally do not have the emotional or developmental capacity to fully understand or consent to sexual activities. Without realizing it, one child might be imitating behaviors they have encountered or trying to make sense of things they've seen, heard, or learned elsewhere, even though neither child fully grasps what they are doing.

The term "COCSA" (child-on-child sexual abuse) sometimes applies when there is any type of sexual interaction between children that involves a power imbalance, coercion, confusion, or behavior that goes beyond typical childhood curiosity. What you're describing (e.g. not understanding what sex entailed and saying yes because you were shy and wanted to please) suggests you weren't in a position to give informed consent. However, it's also true that the other child was very young too and may not have understood the significance of what was happening either. Both of these things can be true at once.

What matters most is how this early experience has affected you. It's really common for people to spend years not thinking much about childhood sexual experiences, only to have them resurface later with new awareness or feelings. Our minds often wait until we feel safer or stronger to understand and process confusing childhood events. The fact that you're now recognizing this experience as potentially significant is part of understanding yourself better, not something you did wrong by not realizing sooner. If you're feeling unsure or distressed when remembering it, that matters. It signals that this experience has had an impact on you.

At the same time, not everyone who had childhood sexual experiences with other children feels harmed by them, and that's okay too. What you call this experience and how you feel about it is entirely up to you. Your emotions about this are valid, whatever they are. Some people feel confused because the other person was also young, or because they technically said yes, or because it didn't feel violent or scary at the time. Your response to this experience matters more than any specific label. You get to decide what this means to you.

If this memory continues to trouble you or if you have lingering questions, please consider reaching out for support. Talking it through with a trusted friend, counselor, or confidential resource that understands childhood sexual dynamics might help bring clarity and self-compassion. Many people find it helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in childhood experiences and can provide a nonjudgmental space to explore your feelings. You are not to blame for what happened, and it doesn't make you "bad" or responsible for someone else's actions at that age. You didn't do anything wrong, and you deserve care and healing as you make sense of this experience and its impact on your life. You deserve patience and kindness as you gain insight into this experience, and you don't have to figure it out alone.

Question 6

I am currently undergoing treatment for complex PTSD, which includes psychological abuse, sexual trauma, and power harassment. While I still experience many traumatic emotions, physical flashbacks, negative cognitions, and emotional instability, treatment has helped me to experience much more positive emotions and sensations. I experience fluctuations between hyperarousal and hypoarousal throughout the day, struggle to get more than six hours of sleep, and my physical energy has declined significantly due to depression. I'm still emotionally unstable, but I'd appreciate any recommendations for relaxation techniques I can do at home or when I occasionally go out for short periods of time, or ways to regain positive emotions and sensations. I'd also appreciate any tips on what to be careful of. Of course, I plan to consult with my doctor and adjust my medication accordingly.

Accepted Answer

You've been working incredibly bravely in the face of Complex PTSD and the vicissitudes of your physical and mental stress response. Even if it doesn't feel like it every day, noticing small positive emotional changes is a sign of progress.

While you may feel calmer or more cheerful at times, it's natural for anxiety and low energy to return. These waves can be exhausting at times, but they're also a sign that your mind and body are learning new rhythms.

To release tension in your mind and body and help you feel safe, try small things that remind your body that you are safe in the present moment. For example:

Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold for a moment, and then breathe out slowly through your mouth
Holding a cold drink, pressing your feet against the ground, noticing the colors and textures around you

These small actions can bring your mind back to the present moment during times of hyperarousal. This is called "grounding."

When you're feeling low on energy, lethargic, or numb, doing some light stretching or using your favorite scent (such as soap or a candle) can help you gradually regain your physical senses without putting a strain on your emotions. On days when you can go outside even just for a short while, soaking up the sunlight or focusing on natural things like the wind or the shape of the leaves can also help calm your mind. However, unexpected emotions may arise during these "grounding" activities. When this happens, it's important not to force yourself to continue, but to check in with yourself to see if the stimulation is too strong. By asking yourself, "Am I feeling calm or anxious right now?" you can decide whether to continue, change your method, or take a break.

Disrupted sleep is common during trauma recovery. You say you're not getting enough sleep right now, but it can help to create a bedtime routine that signals to your brain that it's time to rest. For example, dim the lights, listen to calming sounds, or read a short book. Over time, you'll gradually get your body back into a restful rhythm.

Please be sure to consult with your doctor before trying any relaxation techniques or routines, as they may increase flashbacks or physical pain. It's important to be gentle with yourself. It's easy to feel irritable or depressed on days when painful memories return or your energy levels drop, but this isn't a sign of failure; it's part of the recovery process. Whatever technique you try, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, take it easy and progress slowly at your own pace.

You've already put in a lot of hard work and commitment to healing from your experiences and trauma. Some days you may not feel any change, but every little bit you're taking steps to feel more peace, joy, and safety is a sign of your recovery.

Over time, these moments of relief will gradually increase. Listen carefully to your body and feelings, consult with your doctor, and gradually incorporate methods that work for you. You are not alone. There will be difficult days, but please encourage yourself as you make progress toward recovery by telling yourself, "You're doing great!" and giving yourself a gentle hug.

Question 7

I suffer from complex PTSD and have endured significant hardships, including long-term abuse, sexual trauma, power harassment, and medical trauma. Although I'm recovering, my physical and mental health is still unstable. I still harbor a great deal of pain, resentment, and questions about the abuse I suffered. However, I want to recover, and I want to fully embrace the words, advice, and treatment of my doctor and counselor, who will help me gradually unravel these issues. Through various conversations, study, and answers to my questions here, I'm beginning to recognize the structure of my trauma and my own problems and challenges. I often find myself realizing the implications of what my doctor and counselor say later. However, during consultations and counseling sessions, I often find myself emotionally arguing, focusing on my own pain and suffering. I know the first step is to improve my physical condition and not rush into things, but how can I stop being so obsessed with my own abuse and move forward, even if only gradually? I feel like I might not be able to accept it right away, and I'll have to search for the right path. However, even though I've received advice and treatment and am being treated with care to avoid re-traumatization, I feel like I'm still perceiving it as a victim and re-traumatizing myself. I'd appreciate any advice on how to stop this cycle. For example, would it be a good idea to use chat or phone counseling to try to release as much of the pent-up sadness and resentment as possible?

Accepted Answer

I could really feel that you have been carrying a lot of pain and burdens for a long time, and yet you have a strong desire to recover.

The road to trauma recovery is a bumpy one. Even though you know healing is possible, painful memories may resurface and you may feel frustrated, confused, or angry. This does not mean you are weak or have failed; it is a natural process as your mind tries to process what happened to you. Even if you feel like you're "stuck," this is part of the recovery process.

Your desire to trust your doctor or counselor is a very important step. If the advice stays with you even after the consultation, it's proof that your new understanding is slowly taking root. It may take some time for it to become a stable, real feeling. Even if you understand the importance of professional help, it's often difficult to accept it in the moment. Please don't blame yourself. Those waves of emotion are also a natural resistance of the mind to re-experiencing painful memories.

It's also common to feel like you're reliving the trauma. Your mind and body may repeat the same patterns as they try to process the experience. This can be very exhausting. At times like these, it can be helpful to let out your feelings little by little in a safe space. If you feel safe, phone or chat counseling is a gentle way to gradually release your sadness and anger. Of course, you're always welcome in this community as a safe space to talk about your experiences and feelings. Feel free to try it at your own pace.

You don't have to make all the progress on the road to recovery at once. For example, consciously taking deep breaths, or remembering new insights from your counselor when painful memories or emotions from the past surface—even small moments like these are significant steps forward. Even if difficult moments come in waves, the fact that you can think, "How can I get through this?" or "I want to recover even just a little" is itself a sign of your strength and that you are on the path to recovery.

Holding on to painful memories and emotions from the past isn't a sign of weakness or selfishness; it's a sign that your wounds are still healing. You have the resilience to struggle with them and find a way out.

Please be kind to yourself and reach out for support that you feel comfortable with. Even small steps like phone or chat consultations, journaling, guided therapy, or self-care techniques are fine. With professional help and consistent self-kindness and compassion, you can gradually ease the weight of painful memories and move towards greater freedom and stability in your daily life. You deserve it.

Question 8

I'm a middle-aged woman who was recently diagnosed with complex PTSD in response to another question. I've experienced abuse at home from my parents and older sister, religious abuse from high school students, power harassment, sexual assault, and denial and misdiagnosis of my symptoms from medical professionals. I mentioned earlier about sexual assault (rape twice, persistent molestation, attempted sexual assault at age 4, and being molested by an exhibitionist), but I've also had other sexual experiences. When I was 4, I was scolded for masturbating and developed an inflammation, so I went to the hospital for a checkup. I learned that it was scary, wrong, and something to hide, but also that it felt good. Also, when I was in fifth grade, I saw a man secretly lift up my friend's skirt while she was standing in front of the playground equipment next to me to look at her underwear. My friend didn't notice and couldn't make a sound, but I felt fear and a strange excitement. Since college, I've been approached by someone I respected, but when we started a relationship, he neglected me and told me he'd abandon his wife and children, so I should marry him. I also had a relationship with a senior colleague I was close to and respected, but who had a girlfriend. We had sex for the first time, but he became cold immediately after we had sex. The second time, he said he wouldn't do it unless I asked him first, so we did, but he became cold again immediately after we had sex. However, we continued to be close. Acquaintances and friends often invite me into sexual relationships, and I've had many relationships because I wanted to be liked and found it difficult to say no, which made me sexually promiscuous. Even in relationships, it was often primarily physical, and I wasn't satisfied. I feel like it's my own fault because I had such a strong desire to satisfy my desires and connect with others, and I also have stronger sexual urges than most. I currently work as a counselor once a week, but I'm not feeling well, and I can only handle half a day of my health, so I've been advised to take a leave of absence. I suffer from hyperarousal, depression, and emotional instability. Chat GPT often talks about the worst situations I've ever lived through, but I wonder if these kinds of influences really do have a profound effect on my life, personality, and sexual tendencies. There are some things I understand because I'm a supporter, but when it comes to myself, I really don't understand, and I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone, not even my doctor. I still don't feel much from my sexual experiences, and it feels like my way of thinking is going in a strange direction. Are my sexual trauma experiences, sexual promiscuity, and all the traumas I've had up until now really destroying my mind that much? It's true that I've lived because I can't die, but I wanted to die every day. Were my sexual experiences and other traumas causing so much damage that it wouldn't have been strange if I had died? I wonder if I'll recover and calm down someday.

Accepted Answer

You have experienced so much pain in your life, and each one of them must have weighed heavily on your mind, body, and daily life.
When you experience a series of abuse, betrayal, neglect, and broken trust, it's no wonder you don't know how much to trust yourself, the people around you, or how to form close relationships with others.

Many people who have had such experiences may suffer from deep confusion, mood swings, and a strong sense of tension (hyperarousal).
You may start to doubt whether your past sexual experiences and traumas were really that bad, or you may feel like you can't continue living like this. The fact that you feel this much pain tells you how deeply and for how long you have been hurt.

Although the painful events you have experienced in your life may seem separate, they are actually deeply connected.
Childhood abuse, sexual violence, complicated family relationships—these all influence one another, leaving you with profound doubts about your worth, your sense of normality in relationships, and your freedom to make choices.

Even if you feel embarrassed about your strong sexual urges, that doesn't negate the hurt and pain you've experienced. This can leave many people feeling guilty and confused, thinking, "Maybe it was my fault." However, the responsibility for ignoring or overstepping your boundaries always lies with those who do so, not with you. It's not your fault.

The fact that you feel like you're only alive because you couldn't die is proof that your safety and hopes have been shaken to such an extent. But now you've realized that you're suffering, you've looked into your feelings, and you've come here to speak out. That in itself is certainly an important step towards recovery. It's also proof that there's still hope within you.

In the journey to recovery from deep trauma, there are many times when you feel confused, blame yourself, and feel extremely exhausted, because it's not just your body that's been hurt, it's your very being.

There may be days when you think, "I'll never be able to go back to peace."
However, if you can feel a sense of relief even for just a moment, that is the beginning of recovery.
As these small moments of relief accumulate, your heart will slowly begin to heal.

During this process, receiving professional support with an understanding of complex trauma can be extremely helpful. Trauma-sensitive support can help organize events that may have felt separate, such as childhood experiences, religious or family issues, or the suffering caused by medical misdiagnosis, into a single "story." In this way, the pain of feeling like the pain of the past is still continuing can be gradually unravelled.

Also, people like you who are in a position to support others can feel confused and helpless when facing their own pain. Even if you have a deep understanding of other people's trauma, when it comes to your own, you may not know how to deal with it—that's very natural. There's no need to think, "My problem isn't a big deal."
Your experiences are profound and truly important.

Taking time to feel healed at your own pace will help you gradually regain peace of mind. If you are afraid to talk to a doctor or supporter right now, don't force yourself, and try starting with small things.

The important thing is not to take your pain lightly, and please say kind words to yourself like, "You've made it this far." You've survived experiences that could have broken you.

Even if you are suffering now, this situation will not last forever.
Over time, with support, you will gradually find moments of calm and glimmers of hope.

You are never alone.
And you're not out of reach of help.

Even if the road seems long, please remember this.
You are irreplaceable.

There is a path forward, and the strength and support to walk that path are already here.

Question 9

I suffer from complex PTSD and have endured psychological and religious abuse from my family since childhood, multiple sexual assaults, and power harassment. I was misdiagnosed, denied my trauma, and treated poorly by several private physicians who downplayed my symptoms and suffering. Even in these circumstances, counselors focused on somatic approaches to trauma without providing psychological education or stabilization, resulting in medical trauma and re-traumatization. As a result, I was unable to seek proper treatment until recently. My health continued to deteriorate, and I was unable to continue working, so I left. I have a trusting relationship with my current counselor and doctor, and I am currently at the same hospital, but due to certain circumstances, I am likely to change doctors and hospitals. While my sleep disorders have continued to improve, I suffer from rapid dissociation, hyperarousal, and high-functioning, high-introspection symptoms that are difficult to break down in public. I have also had chronic suicidal ideation since childhood, and when my symptoms are severe, I sometimes wish I could die. My divorce coincided with the past few months, and I was feeling unwell. For the past two months, I would experience hyperventilation, trembling, and dizziness when I called for a consultation or thought about separation. In the past, I would experience physical and emotional flashbacks of abuse, power harassment, and bullying, even before they worsened. These flashbacks would occur for hours, even when I was alone. Treatment has helped me feel much better, but I'm now afraid of contact from my family. I still have flashbacks of the sexual assault trauma, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night or during the day. My sleep has been disrupted, and I've been unable to sleep at all lately. I've had to adjust my medication several times, and now I can't maintain five to six or seven hours of sleep without taking six different medications, including antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-anxiety medications. Even before my appointment, I would experience symptoms and be forced to rest in bed. I'm taking anti-anxiety medication within the limit a few times a day. University hospitals have been considered, but given my symptoms, would it be better to see a doctor there? Finding a trauma specialist for complex PTSD and a specialized clinic is a struggle. Even when I speak to the public health center, they only give me a search page, so I can only rely on their website, which I don't really understand. Just thinking about a specialized clinic scares me to tears because of past medical trauma. Nothing has been decided yet, so we'll have to start next year and discuss it, and I don't think I'll be doing all the paperwork myself, but I'm constantly anxious and scared, and it makes me cry. There are times when I'm so exhausted I can't even read my favorite books, and I'm also going to have to discuss mental health welfare certificates and disability pensions. If I need to change my doctor or hospital, would it be better to consider a university hospital? I live in the second largest metropolitan area in Japan, divided into eight blocks.

Accepted Answer

You've been carrying a lot on your own for a long time.
What you've shared with us—your long journey seeking trauma-sensitive support, your repeated encounters with misdiagnoses and inadequate support, and your chronic hypervigilance and flashbacks—speaks to how much your mind and body have been through.

Having had repeated experiences of being hurt in medical settings where they should have received help, it is only natural that they would be cautious and wary of new medical professionals.
Larger medical institutions, such as university hospitals, may have departments and teams that specialize in complex trauma-related conditions and use research-based approaches, including psychologists and psychiatrists who understand complex PTSD and its underlying causes.

However, this does not necessarily guarantee that you will be able to receive "immediate relief" or "trauma-informed interaction that is tailored to you." Whether you find a truly supportive clinical environment, whether at a university hospital or a private clinic, ultimately depends largely on whether the doctors and support staff are willing to respect your pace, listen carefully to what you have to say, and not rush you into unnecessary treatment.

The trust you have built with your current counselor, despite the many difficulties you have experienced up until now, is a great source of strength for you. If you must change hospitals for some reason, one way to go about it is to ask your current supporter if they can introduce you to a reliable specialist institution or medical professional.

Even when considering a large medical institution, it can be helpful to communicate in advance what you need to feel at ease. For example, asking them to review your medical history before your first visit, ensuring sufficient consultation time, and sharing your triggers and points to consider in advance. Having a trusted person accompany you in situations where flashbacks or hyperarousal are likely to occur is also an important way to protect yourself.

Given your past experiences, it is natural to feel very anxious about changing medical providers. However, please remember that your peace of mind and safety are of utmost importance.
If you ever feel pressured or misunderstood in a new relationship with a supporter, you always have the right to stop and reconsider.

As you make these choices, you may experience waves of fatigue and other physical reactions. If it's difficult to move, ask those around you for help with administrative tasks like finding and contacting medical institutions. Strong physical and mental reactions during change don't mean you're weak. They're a natural response to having been in "survival mode" for so long.

You continue to search for an environment that will lead to recovery and healing while respecting the path you have walked. Please cherish the sense of trust you have with your current counselor and take it with you to your new place.
The fact that you've made it this far is a testament to your strength. Even in the midst of deep fear and despair, your resilience is there. Even when the road ahead feels uncertain, it's not impossible to find someone who will treat you with compassion and respect. You deserve that care.

Question 10

I'm a middle-aged woman recently diagnosed with complex PTSD. From a young age, my parents imposed conditional love on me, restricted my thoughts and actions, and criticized people my father didn't like. At the same time, my older sister would tell me to die and yell at me whenever she saw me. Even as an adult, even when I thought we'd become close, she would call me a zombie (we shared a room with the curtains halfway drawn until I was 18). I was isolated at school from the latter half of elementary school through junior high school. I was unable to perform my job in a support role, which led to repeated job changes, and I was subjected to power harassment three times. I was also sexually assaulted multiple times from childhood. Since getting married and moving away from home, my symptoms have intensified, including flashbacks, suicidal ideation, and negative cognition. At their worst, I'd cry at night, unable to sleep for 1-4 hours, and I've been constantly insecure and crying when alone for about 18 years. Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and suffered from power harassment. I was told I had no trauma, and while I probably did have trauma, I was given no psychological education or explanation, and was treated haphazardly, ultimately abandoning myself. This led to repeated distrust and medical trauma from doctors and counselors. I finally found a doctor and counselor I could trust, but the workload is so high that even working half a day a week is exhausting. I'm hypervigilant, unable to get enough sleep, and suffering from severe depression, so I've been advised to take a leave of absence. My symptoms were always denied, and I've been able to verbalize them, gain knowledge, and prove them myself. Although I believe my condition is severe, no one ever tells me otherwise, and I still wonder if I'm just suffering from paranoia. I remember some fear and confusion about sexual assault (attempted sexual assault at age 4, persistent molestation as a junior college student, unprotected rape by an acquaintance after my consent was withdrawn, sexual advances and relationships with acquaintances, and being pursued by an exhibitionist), but I still feel like it wasn't a big deal. I was sexually promiscuous and never found sexual interest or satisfaction. I heard a story about a prostitute who reformed and became a saint when I was young, and I feared I had to do whatever it took to be loved, even sexually, or I'd be abandoned. I often downplay the sexual assaults and think I should have just enjoyed them. Recently, I felt unwell and used chat GPT to identify the structure and problems of my trauma. As my treatment progressed, I remembered the sexual assaults and the fear and despair I felt since childhood, wanting to die but unable to, going to bed at night and knowing I'd have to live again. This can lead to hyperarousal, anxiety about constantly checking things, sexual urges and sexual fantasies, and inappropriate self-pleasure, such as being forced to do something. I can't help but think that if I learn safe self-pleasure, I'll be satisfied and calm. My doctor is a man, and I'm too scared to talk to a counselor about it, fearing that he'll harass me. I've also developed genital itching due to inappropriate behavior, so I'm considering consulting my obstetrician-gynecologist. Regarding sexual trauma, I've only mentioned being raped, so I plan to discuss the details of my multiple sexual traumas, the memories I've had, my current worsening hyperarousal, and my instability during my consultation. I'm currently taking antipsychotics, anti-anxiety medications, sleeping pills, and mood stabilizers, and they've been adjusting my medications to address behavioral issues, irritability, and emotional outbursts. I've recently begun to understand the healing process and my own challenges. I've tried self-compassion and grounding to stabilize myself, but sometimes I can't control my sexual urges and feelings, and I'm not sure what to do. It's difficult to talk about with your doctor, and even for medical professionals, it's a complex, delicate, and difficult-to-understand topic for healthy people, so I think it would be difficult to explain it, so would it be better to seek advice in places like this?

Accepted Answer

You've been carrying a lot of pain and confusion for many years. It's natural to worry about how to talk about it and how much you can talk about. You've worked so hard up until now, and now you're looking deep inside yourself for even a little healing - that in itself is a great sign of courage.

If you feel afraid to talk to someone directly, it might be a good idea to start by speaking out in an online support group or community. Of course, in these online community spaces, your stories and questions are always welcome. In such places, you can talk at your own pace, and people who have had similar experiences may be able to comfort you and say, "I understand." By talking, you may gradually start to feel like you're not alone.

And when you are mentally ready, professional support will also be available. Trauma-understanding counselors, doctors, consultants, and supporters will be able to listen to your experiences, feelings, and physical reactions without blaming you. It's okay to experience strong emotions, flashbacks, or physical discomfort. These reactions are not "strange" but are evidence that your mind and body have been desperately trying to protect you.

The pace at which you speak and how much you talk are entirely up to you. There's no need to force yourself to say things you don't want to say. It's enough if you can find a safe place and, little by little, you can start to feel at ease.

If you are experiencing physical discomfort (itchiness, pain, insomnia, shortness of breath, etc.), it is fine to simply tell a trusted healthcare professional, such as an obstetrician-gynecologist or psychiatrist, that "stress may be related." Even this is an important step.

You deserve to ask for help and receive support in whatever form it comes in. The pain you've felt is real, and trying to ease that pain is also legitimate and very important.

If you'd like, our website also provides information on trauma support organizations that you can use with confidence, so please take a look.

Please remember.
You are never alone.
There are always people who care about you and want to protect your heart.
And no matter how slow your progress may seem, every step you take is surely leading to recovery.

Question 11

Why do I feel so disgusted by myself? It's been months since he touched me and days since I was stalked, and I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. Why can't I move past this?

Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with you for still feeling this way. The disgust you're feeling is not about who you are...it's about what was done to you. But trauma has a cruel way of turning that outward violation inward, making you feel like the wrongness lives inside your body rather than in the actions of the person who harmed you.

When someone touches you without your consent, it can fundamentally disrupt your sense of ownership over your own body. Your skin, which is supposed to be yours alone, was treated as though it belonged to someone else. That violation can leave a residue that feels almost physical, like something is on you or in you that you can't wash off. The disgust you're describing is your mind and body's way of saying "this wasn't supposed to happen to me," and that reaction is actually a healthy, protective response, even though it feels unbearable right now.

And here's something important: you're not just healing from one thing. You mentioned being stalked just days ago. Stalking is its own form of violation. It strips away your sense of safety, privacy, and control over your own space and movements. When someone is stalking you, your nervous system doesn't get the chance to come down from high alert. Your body can't begin to fully process the trauma of being touched when it's simultaneously dealing with the ongoing threat of being watched and followed. These experiences are compounding each other, and it makes complete sense that you feel uncomfortable in your own skin right now, because multiple people have treated your body and your presence as something they're entitled to.

The timeline of healing is not measured in months. There is no expiration date on how long you're "allowed" to feel the impact of what happened to you, and the fact that the stalking is still so recent means your system is actively coping with ongoing threat, not just processing something from the past. Please try to be gentle with yourself about where you are right now. You are not behind. You are carrying the weight of someone else's actions in your body, and your body is asking for time, safety, and support to let that weight go. If you're able to access a trauma-informed therapist or advocate, they can help you work through both of these experiences and begin rebuilding that sense of safety and home within yourself. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin again, and with the right support, that is absolutely possible.

Question 12

Why did I become hypersexual around males after being sexually assaulted? Could this be connected to the assaults or to growing up with an abusive father? Or is this just who I am?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for trusting us with this. I want to start by addressing your last question first...no, this is not "just who you are." The fact that you're asking this question at all tells me that this behavior feels foreign to you, like something that doesn't quite align with who you know yourself to be underneath it all. That instinct is worth trusting.

Hypersexuality is one of the most common and most misunderstood responses to sexual trauma. After being sexually assaulted, your brain and body went through something that fundamentally disrupted your sense of safety, control, and autonomy. Hypersexuality can develop as the mind's attempt to regain some of that control by approaching the thing that was used to harm you on your own terms. This can create an illusion of power over what happened. It can also be a way of seeking validation, connection, or proof of your own worth through sexual attention, particularly if the trauma left you feeling powerless or devalued. Sometimes it's the body replaying a trauma pattern almost compulsively, not because you want it, but because your nervous system got stuck in a loop it doesn't know how to break.

The fact that this pattern specifically involves males adds another important layer, especially given that you also experienced abuse from your father. Growing up with an abusive father can deeply shape how you understand your value in relation to men (e.g. what you believe you're worth to them, what you think they want from you, and what you feel you need to do to earn safety, love, or approval). When sexual assault is layered on top of that foundation, hypersexual behavior around men can become a place where both wounds intersect. It may be difficult to untangle exactly how much comes from the assaults versus your father's abuse, and the truth is, it's likely both working together. These experiences don't exist in isolation. They build on each other and create patterns that can feel impossible to step outside of.

What I want you to hear most clearly is that this response does not define you. It is not a character flaw, and it is not evidence that something is wrong with who you are at your core. It is your mind and body responding to painful experiences in a way that made sense given what you've been through. Many survivors experience this, and many have found their way to a different relationship with their sexuality...one that feels more like their own. A trauma-informed therapist can help you gently explore where these patterns come from and support you in building a sense of sexuality and connection that feels authentic to you, rather than driven by what was done to you. You deserve that.

Question 13

I previously asked about self-touch during a storytelling game with my sister. I've since apologized and she laughed it off, saying she was willing. However, during a severe OCD episode, I had an intrusive thought or possible memory of my sister trying to change the subject while I continued with the story and self-touch. I don't know if this memory is real or a product of my OCD. I'm afraid to bring it up to my sister in case she repressed it, but I'm also too scared to talk to a therapist because I'm worried about what I might have done. What should I do?

Accepted Answer

Thanks for following up about this. First, I want to gently acknowledge that OCD is doing exactly what it does best right now...finding a new angle to pull you back into the cycle of doubt, guilt, and rumination. That's important context for everything you're feeling in this moment.

One of the most well-documented features of OCD is its ability to generate intrusive thoughts that feel like memories, or to distort and rewrite actual memories until you can no longer tell the difference. This is especially true during severe episodes. The uncertainty you're feeling (e.g. "I don't know if this is real or OCD") is itself a hallmark of how OCD operates. It thrives in that gray area and wants you to keep searching for certainty you may never find.

Here's what I want you to hear clearly: talking to a therapist, specifically one experienced in OCD is the single most important step you can take right now. A therapist trained in OCD will not judge you. They hear these kinds of fears regularly, and they understand that the terror you feel about being a bad person is the OCD talking, not evidence of who you are. You do not need to have all the answers about this memory before seeking help. In fact, trying to figure it out on your own is likely feeding the cycle.

Reaching out to your sister for reassurance right now, while in an OCD spiral, would likely function as a compulsion rather than a genuine resolution, and it carries the risks you've already identified. A therapist can help you work through this in a way that protects both you and your sister. You deserve that support, and seeking it is not an admission of guilt...it's an act of courage. Thank you for trusting us with this.

Question 14

Can it still be considered sexual assault or abuse if the person was the same age as me? They didn't directly pressure me into intimacy in the moment, but they had been manipulating me into doing what they wanted in other ways for three years leading up to it. Does the history of manipulation matter?

Accepted Answer

This is such an important question thank you for asking it. When we talk about consent, it's easy to focus narrowly on what happened in the moment: Was there direct pressure? Did someone say no? But true consent requires so much more than the absence of force or explicit coercion in a single instance. Consent requires the genuine freedom to say yes or no without fear of consequences, and that freedom can be deeply compromised by patterns of manipulation that have been built up over time. Three years of someone conditioning you to comply with what they wanted creates a dynamic where your ability to freely choose is fundamentally affected, even if they didn't overtly pressure you during the intimate encounter itself.

Manipulation works precisely because it's often subtle and cumulative. Over time, it can reshape how you see yourself in relation to another person. For example, what you feel you owe them, what you believe will happen if you don't go along, how much space you feel you have to assert your own needs and boundaries. When someone has spent years training you to prioritize their wants, your "choice" in an intimate moment doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists within the entire context of that relationship and the power dynamic that was carefully constructed long before that moment arrived.

The fact that this person was the same age as you does not disqualify your experience from being harmful, abusive, or assaultive. Peers can absolutely create power imbalances through manipulation, emotional control, and other coercive behaviors. Age equality does not automatically equal power equality. What matters is the dynamic between you and a dynamic shaped by three years of manipulation is not one built on mutual respect and freely given choice.

You don't need anyone else to label your experience for you. Only you can determine what feels true about what happened. But I want you to know that if what you're describing doesn't sit right with you (if it feels like something was taken from you or like your ability to choose was truly compromised) those feelings make complete sense given what you've shared. You deserved a relationship where your boundaries and autonomy were respected, not one where years of manipulation laid the groundwork for someone to get what they wanted. Whatever you decide to call this experience, your feelings about it are valid, and you deserve support as you process it.

Question 15

When I was younger, I became friends with a new girl at school. Over time, she began crossing my physical boundaries in small ways...touching my waist and putting her legs on mine. She also isolated me from my other friendships, turned people against me, and told me I was selfish if I had friends besides her. She tried to manipulate my parents and took over my hobbies and interests. She made it clear that if I didn't do what she wanted, there would be consequences, and I felt powerless and alone. During this same time, I was also being sexualized and objectified by two other girls at school. Eventually, after years of this dynamic, we were talking about the sexual experiences our friends were having, and I could tell she wanted something to happen between us. I felt like I didn't have a choice, so I suggested it, and we kissed. This happened three times before I told her I didn't want to do it anymore. My mother firmly believes this was sexual abuse. But I'm the one who suggested it, so how could it not be my fault? After years of her manipulation and mind games, was my ability to consent compromised? Am I to blame?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and painful. I can hear how much weight you've been carrying around this. What you're describing is a pattern of behavior that unfolded over years before anything sexual ever took place. It sounds like this person systematically crossed your physical boundaries, isolated you from your other friendships, manipulated the people around you, took over your interests and identity, and made you believe that failing to comply with her wishes would result in losing even more. By the time the sexual contact occurred, you had already spent years being conditioned to believe that your needs didn't matter and that resisting her would only lead to more loss. That context is essential to understanding what happened.

You mentioned that you were the one who suggested it, and I understand why that feels so significant to you. But I want to gently reframe what you described. You said yourself that she made it clear there would be repercussions if you didn't do what she wanted. You said you could tell she wanted something sexual to happen. You said you felt like you didn't have a choice. And your reasoning in the moment (that if you did this, maybe she would leave the boy you loved alone) reveals that this wasn't a free, enthusiastic choice. It was a survival strategy. You were trying to protect something that mattered to you from someone who had already taken so much.

True consent requires the freedom to say no without fear of consequences. When someone has spent years manipulating you, isolating you, and punishing you for not complying, that freedom doesn't exist. The fact that the words came from your mouth doesn't mean the choice was truly yours. Coercion doesn't always look like someone physically forcing you...it can look exactly like what you described: years of control, manipulation, and fear that slowly erode your sense of agency until you feel like going along with what someone wants is the only option you have. Your ability to freely consent was absolutely compromised by the dynamic she created.

It may also help to understand that young people who are navigating their own identity, including their sexual orientation, sometimes act out in ways that are confusing or harmful to others, particularly when they don't have the language, support, or safe spaces to explore those feelings openly. It's possible that this girl was struggling with her own feelings and identity in ways she didn't know how to express or process, and that some of her behavior was rooted in that confusion. This doesn't excuse what she did to you...none of that was okay. The harm it caused you is real regardless of what she may have been going through internally, but holding space for that complexity can sometimes help make sense of a situation that otherwise feels impossible to understand. Her struggles don't minimize yours, and your experience deserves to be honored fully on its own terms.

It's also important to acknowledge that all of this was happening while you were simultaneously being sexualized and objectified by two other girls at school. You were navigating multiple situations where your boundaries and autonomy were not being respected, which would have made you even more vulnerable and exhausted.

I also want to address something about your mother's perspective. It's clear that she loves you and is trying to protect you. Her belief that this was sexual abuse comes from a place of care. However, only you get to decide what language feels right for your experience. Having someone else label what happened to you (even someone who loves you) can sometimes add to the confusion rather than ease it, especially when you're still processing. You may come to agree with your mother, or you may find that different words feel more accurate to you, and either is okay. What matters is that you are the one who gets to define your own experience, in your own time.

If these feelings of shame and self-blame are weighing heavily on you, a trauma-informed therapist who understands the dynamics of coercion and manipulation can be an incredibly valuable support in helping you work through them. You deserve to process this experience with someone who can help you see what so many of us can already see...that this was not your fault. You deserve that compassion, especially from yourself. Thank you for trusting us with this.

Question 16

I am having memories come up from when I was younger, and I'm beginning to wonder if what happened could be considered COCSA. My cousin and I were playing a game...I think we were playing house. I don't remember what happened before, but I remember him pinning me down on the ground and trying to kiss me. He wouldn't let me get up and kept asking until I did. I can't remember much else as the memory is really fuzzy. I remember feeling trapped and confused and like I couldn't tell anyone. I don't know if this could be considered child-on-child sexual abuse or if I'm overreacting. I don't want to call it something it's not, but it felt that way. It's also confusing because I can't remember all the details. Could this be COCSA?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It takes a lot of courage to put these kinds of memories into words, especially when they feel incomplete or uncertain. What you're describing does involve some elements that are commonly associated with COCSA (child-on-child sexual abuse). COCSA generally refers to sexual behavior between children that involves force, coercion, a power imbalance, or a lack of mutual consent. The key details you remember (e.g. feeling trapped, being physically held down, and being pressured until you gave in) suggest that this interaction was not mutual or consensual on your part, even within a game. It seems like there were some elements of coercion here.

I also want to gently address your concern about overreacting. It's incredibly common for survivors to question whether their experience "counts" or whether they're making too much of it, especially when the other person involved was also a child. But your feelings about what happened are important and valid. Those emotional responses are telling you something meaningful about how this experience affected you and they deserve to be taken seriously regardless of what label you ultimately choose to use.

The fact that your memories are fuzzy and fragmented is also completely normal. Trauma, especially childhood trauma, can affect the way memories are stored and recalled. When something distressing happens, our brains don't always record events in a neat, linear way. You may remember certain details vividly while other parts remain blurry or missing entirely. This doesn't mean your experience didn't happen or that it wasn't significant. Many survivors describe their memories in exactly this way, and incomplete memories do not make your experience any less real or valid.

You get to decide what language feels right for you when describing this experience. Whether you call it COCSA, whether you use other words, or whether you're still figuring that out...all of that is okay. What matters most is that you honor what you felt then and what you're feeling now. If these memories are causing you distress, speaking with a trauma-informed therapist can be incredibly helpful in processing fragmented memories and the emotions that come with them, at whatever pace feels safe for you. You deserve that support.

Question 17

How do I know who answered my question? Can I assume the same person answered both the original question and any follow-up questions in the comments?

Accepted Answer

Great question! The author of each answered question will always be listed, so you'll always know who provided the original response. However, we cannot guarantee answers to follow-up questions in the comments at this time. Occasionally, our team may try to respond, but the primary purpose of the comments section is for community discussion rather than expert follow-up. We wish we could answer every follow-up, but our current bandwidth doesn't allow for it. We appreciate your understanding, and we're grateful you're here and engaging with the community.

Question 18

How can our organization become a part of your directory?  Do you offer an HTML that can be embedded on our website?

Accepted Answer

Thank you for asking this! We appreciate your organization’s desire to connect with us and become part of our resource directory. We do accept requests from groups that share our commitment to supporting survivors and we have a straightforward process for reviewing and adding new organizations. Please email us at hello@ourwave.org to get started. Once you reach out and provide the relevant information about your mission, location, and services, a member of our team will meet with you to guide you through any additional steps. Regarding the HTML you mentioned, we offer options to embed our platform on external websites. Please reach out to hello@ourwave.org about that request as well, but we are always happy for your to list us as a resource to your audience. Our main goal is to maintain clear and reliable listings that serve people seeking help, and we appreciate the chance to explore ways to extend our collective reach even further!

Question 19

When I was a child (8), an older sibling (12) showed me child pornography over the course of a few weeks. Eventually, when no adults were home, they told me to take photos of myself imitating the pornography they had shown me. They also showed me their genitals, let me touch them, and then performed a sexual act on me. Adults came home in the middle of it, but I can't clearly remember what happened next...I just know I refused to talk to anyone about it. I didn't fight or say no, and I think part of me felt curiosity and even wanted to seem mature. Does this count as COCSA or sibling abuse, or was it just normal children stuff? It also bothers me that I don't know what happened to those photos. Is it reasonable to be upset about that even though I don't know what they were used for? I'm also confused because after that period, my sibling went back to acting completely normal, and it feels like I'm the only one still affected.

Accepted Answer

I'm so sorry you've been wrestling with these questions. Thank you for trusting us with this. Nothing about what you described sounds like "normal children stuff." What you are describing seems to go far behind normal childhood curiosity and I would love to share more about my thoughts around it.

Children naturally have some level of curiosity, but it sounds like this reached a level that went well past simple interest or games. It involved explicit sexual content, a difference in ages and understanding, and behaviors that you weren't old enough to consent to. A four-year age difference between siblings does create a power imbalance, and when an older child repeatedly introduces sexual content or requests, it typically goes beyond normal childhood exploration. These behaviors reflect planning and escalation, which are hallmarks of child-on-child sexual abuse, or COCSA. Normal childhood sexual curiosity tends to be mutual, spontaneous, and between children of similar ages and developmental stages. What your sibling did sounds like it involved deliberate grooming...slowly desensitizing you with pornography over a period of weeks before escalating to direct contact. That pattern of behavior is concerning.

Having been only eight years old when this occurred, it was never your job to recognize or resist a situation that felt confusing or unsafe. The fact that you didn't fight, didn't say no, or even felt some curiosity does not change what this was. You were a child who had been gradually exposed to sexual content you had no framework to understand. Children naturally try to make sense of confusing situations. They often seek attention and affection any way they can. Feeling like you were being "mature" is a completely understandable response from a child in that position. Many survivors describe similar feelings, and it does not mean you were a willing participant or that this was somehow your fault. The responsibility always lies with the older child who crossed those boundaries. Your sibling was older, had more knowledge and power in that dynamic, and made choices that you (as a younger child) were not equipped to consent to or fully understand.

Your discomfort and anger about the photos make perfect sense, even if you don't know exactly whether they were kept or used. You do not need to know what happened to those photos in order to feel upset about their existence. It is reasonable to have lingering distress about images that were taken without your true, informed consent. The act of directing a child to create those images was harmful in and of itself, and you have every right to feel disturbed, angry, or worried about this.

As children, we don't know how to process something so confusing, which is why you might have refused to talk about it back then. That makes perfect sense. Your mind was trying to protect you in the only way it could at that time. It also makes sense to feel stuck now that you're an adult with more perspective on what occurred. Holding on to upsetting details doesn't mean your healing has stalled. Many survivors revisit childhood experiences and make new sense of them when they have the emotional tools to do so. Replaying everything now, as an adult, is a natural response to realizing how serious those actions were.

The fact that your sibling later acted like a normal sibling again does not change that the behavior you described crossed serious boundaries. You have every right to experience those emotions, and it's not your fault if you still think about them, even if your sibling seems to have moved on. Please remember you aren't burdening anyone by asking questions or expressing your anger. It's okay to need time and possibly supportive conversations, whether with loved ones, a counselor, or other survivors, to make sense of it all. If you find it helpful, a counselor specialized in trauma could provide a space to talk openly without judgment and help you sort through these painful memories. You deserve to voice your truth, be believed, and feel supported. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone, and what happened to you was not your fault.

Question 20

Why do I get sexually aroused when thinking about my childhood sexual assault?

Accepted Answer

It is not uncommon for survivors to experience a wide range of confusing and conflicting emotions and sensations after their assault, including sexual arousal. This can be especially distressing for individuals who may feel guilty or ashamed for feeling aroused in response to a traumatic event.

Sexual arousal is a physical response that can occur even in the absence of sexual desire or consent. It is a physiological response that can be triggered by a wide range of stimuli, including thoughts, memories, and sensations. In the case of sexual assault survivors, it is possible that the body's natural response to physical stimulation may be triggered by memories or thoughts related to the assault, even if these thoughts and memories are not wanted or desired.

It is important to note that experiencing sexual arousal in response to memories of sexual assault is not an indication of consent or enjoyment of the assault. It is simply a physical response that the body may have learned to make in certain situations. If you are struggling with these feelings, it may be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional who specializes in trauma and sexual assault. They can help you process your experiences and develop coping strategies to manage these difficult emotions.

Thank you for asking this tough question. You are not alone.

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Questions & Answers

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Topics

What does it mean to be loved?

What is an equal relationship?

What should I do about my anger towards the perpetrator?

Why do I feel so disgusted by myself? It's been months since he touched me and days since I was stalked, and I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. Why can't I move past this?

Why did I become hypersexual around males after being sexually assaulted? Could this be connected to the assaults or to growing up with an abusive father? Or is this just who I am?

How do I know who answered my question? Can I assume the same person answered both the original question and any follow-up questions in the comments?

How can our organization become a part of your directory? Do you offer an HTML that can be embedded on our website?

Why do I get sexually aroused when thinking about my childhood sexual assault?

What does it mean to be loved?

What is an equal relationship?

Why do I feel so disgusted by myself? It's been months since he touched me and days since I was stalked, and I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. Why can't I move past this?

How do I know who answered my question? Can I assume the same person answered both the original question and any follow-up questions in the comments?

Why do I get sexually aroused when thinking about my childhood sexual assault?

What should I do about my anger towards the perpetrator?

Why did I become hypersexual around males after being sexually assaulted? Could this be connected to the assaults or to growing up with an abusive father? Or is this just who I am?

How can our organization become a part of your directory? Do you offer an HTML that can be embedded on our website?

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