how to breathe after sexual trauma

it's true what they say; healing isn't linear. healing is a messy room and sometimes laying in it for long enough to know being uncomfortable for too long means it's time for a change. it means that it's okay to avoid pools and beaches if you're afraid of water, but after a while, knowing that it's okay to dip your toes in again when you're ready. and even if you can't do it now, it doesn't mean no one will ever love someone that's afraid to go swimming.

A Person You’ve Never Touched

When I was 18 I was raped and physically assaulted by a friend of mine at the time. He was 3 years older than me and it was his 21st birthday. It took me a year to accept what happened, and 4 years to get help through counseling. I used to feel a lot of guilt for not getting help sooner and the way my trauma affected other people in my life/people I was in relationships with. I also hated and still sometimes hate the way it affects me 6 years later, but I’m learning that things don’t always go away on their own and it’s okay to reach out for...

#199

I am proud of so many parts of college. Of work I have done and relationships I've built. I am proud of the many ways I have reshaped and reimagined the opportunities before me so that I could continue to reach further.
But I am back, drawn back again and again to the floor lost in the horrors of what these four years have held. I am angry with professors who didn't know, who kept breaking me more and more each day by pushing me harder. I am angry with the people who surrounded me because I needed connection but the cold hard interactions I f...

Scars Like Wings pt.2

someday survivor

im so proud of every step you take toward your future. please keep fighting, and know that i’m standing there with you. these feeling aren’t yours to bear alone.

Scars Like Wings

Month Day, Year I was raped on my first day of college... then a few months later I was violently raped at my place of work. At the time of these attacks I was not intoxicated and the attacks did not happen at night. In addition I did not say no and I did not physically fight back. I thought for so long that these conditions invalidated my experiences, that I couldn’t have really been raped and that I must have someone brought these experiences on myself. Over the last five and half years, I have done so much to fill my trauma...

Survivor (she/they)

I am here for you always

Healing takes time

You feel like you will never heal,you will
You will never forget but you will heal..
It took years for me to fine my confidence but I have it and will never lose it again...there are curtain things ....like the darkness ,I have nightlight in my house....walked thur hell and came out stronger...

#178

I love this page. I am so glad I found it so that I could kind of get it off of my chest because it’s not something I talk about. It breaks my heart how many of us there are. But I am so glad we have each other, this space, the progress being made to try to prevent this from continuing to happen, to hold them accountable. We’ve got a long way to go but I’m proud of our progress. I’m proud of all of you. I see you, I hear you, I believe you. We got this. 🖤

#177

I was a teenager and I invited a boy into my room late at night. He pressured me, for about an hour, to sleep with him. Within a 15 minute period I remember him asking 10 times. I thought he wouldn’t like me if I didn’t. So I stopped telling him no; he took that as a yes. That was my first time.

There’s a Revolution Coming

I believe you.

My story

I remember for months after everything being so depressed. I didn’t think it would get better. Then there was this one day after I had left therapy and I lived by OneRepublic came on and I remember saying to myself “man Life is beautiful” and I immediately started crying. I knew in that moment that things were gonna be okay even if they weren’t in the moment. Now two years later even though there are still some days where it hits me all over again, I am doing so good. So to anyone who feels the way I felt: there’s so much life and hope/happine...

#168

I was only 6 years old when I was sexually assaulted. The first time I talked about it with anyone and said it out loud was this year. I'm now 22... that means it's been 16 years later. But I am so thankful to have the support system I do have - the support system who has been strong enough to give me the courage to finally speak up for myself ❤️

Speaking up..

You are going to be okay, recovery and healing is a long painful road. But you are still here and you are still fighting, talk to someone. You are not alone and you are loved.

#164

You are not alone.
I hope you are growing in love and beauty everyday.
I am with you.

Love isn’t forced

I know it’s cliche but it does get better. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, you have to hold on and believe that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought about just ending it. I didn’t see a point in fighting anymore. Then I remembered that I have so much to do in this life still, and I refuse to let some scumbag control me anymore.

aaaaa.

You are never alone. That traumatic experience does not define you, it does not define your worth, it does not get to dictate your life. You are still your own beautiful soul.

Recovery Cake

Recovery Cake
Ingredients:
½ cup journal writing
2 whole, barely ripe boyfriends
3 cups stiffly beaten sister
2 tablespoons peer counseling (can be sour)
¼ cup spicy lawsuit
2 cups therapy
2 teaspoons college
6 heaping tablespoons organic employment
small pinch lukewarm volunteer work

#157

I was a college student working a part-time receptionist job and we went out to happy hour with a group of colleagues. After a few drinks, a smaller group of us went to one colleague's apartment to hang out. You kept mixing drinks and begged me to try them - just a sip, just to taste. I started to feel a little dizzy, and you told me I could crash upstairs for a bit. I woke up in the middle of the night to you removing my clothes and touching me, but I wasn't lucid enough to do anything.

my voice has returned

Hope is so hard to have, it took me so long to gain, but with every day and every break through I know that things will change. Not just for me, but for everyone. That is the hope I have, that is the future I fight for. I determine my own resiliency and I am proud of the person I am becoming. I am proud of my voice challenging others. There is so much hope in every single day

#155

Healing for me is recognizing the situation, my feelings and realizing when someone harasses me, it's not my fault. I am continuously working to stay strong and speak out against sexual harassment. And hopefully one day I won't need to.

C

I would like to say thank you to all of my supportive friends, my incredibly supportive boyfriend, who has held me through panic attacks even years later, and to my university's sexual assault center, which helped me make it through several tough moments.

#152

Your pain, your strength, your story, and your experiences are so real and so valid. You are not alone. I may not know you but I care about you and I care about your story. You do not have to carry it alone.
Yesterday, today, or tomorrow may be difficult, but you have survived every moment up until now and you will make it through. You did not deserve what happened to you and it should never have happened at all. But you are so much more than what happened to you. You are a whole person with ideas, goals, talents, humor, love, and so much mor...

You. Are. Enough.

Noone has the right to invade your personal space. Rape and Sexual Assault is wrong. Speak up. Report your incident. Get Mental Healthcare. Know that YOU matter and you are not alone. Help is available. Do not keep silent any more. Tell someone. Ask for help and accept it. You are loveable and capable.

Author's Lamentation For Mother Africa.

My Name is Author.
I dated a very beautiful Lady when I graduated S.U.N.Y. E.S.F.. I was proud of the fact that I had also graduated from Syracuse University.
The Lady that I dated was Name.
As I got to know Her and it became serious; I learned that She had been raped before the age of 5 by an adult.

Blackout

Dear fellow survivor,
You are not alone. What happened to you isn't your fault. What you recall is valid. How you felt about that moment is valid. How you decide to carry forward is valid. It may seem that your journey is one that you have to take alone. Alone, no. Defining what you need for yourself? Yes. There is a community that surrounds you and it is full of love and a shared identity. Lean on the community when you need to. We are here for each other.